I’m a pretty upbeat person, but there’s one thing that really gets me down: poor people. Obviously it must be boring and horrible to be poor, but for some reason they seem intent on inflicting that on all the rest of us. The clear solution, which plainly misses basically every poor person there is, is to get a well-paying job, yet they persist on not doing that.
Meanwhile, those of us who are not poor are left holding the bag, as most government-funded programs are designed to address the “needs” of our nation’s poor, leaving them apparently with sufficient surplus income to purchase cable, computers, smartphones, and cars.
In the spirit of giving and in hopes of turning around a life or two, here are some pointers for poor people that should help them get started on the right track:
- Consider moving to a different country. This would have the simultaneous benefit of increasing the average income in the U.S., and also allowing you to cash in your 401(k) and use it to buy a house, as the American dollar goes farther in other countries.
- Get a better job. If the job you have now doesn’t pay you as much money as you’d like, just get a different job that does. If you like the job you have, just ask your boss for a raise!
- Have fewer children. Children cost like a half a million dollars each when all is said and done, so if you have fewer of them you can stretch that family dollar even more.
- Make sure you have health insurance! Doctor visits add up pretty quickly, so make sure you pick up health insurance to bring those costs down. And finally:
- Cheer up! I know it’s stupid and boring to be poor, but would it kill you to put a smile on?